He said…. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said…. You wear pants don’t you? He said….. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said….. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said…. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said….. Why are married women heavier than single women? single women?
She said….. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
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At a winery the…
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.
He gave him a glass to drink. The drunk tried it and said, “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
“That’s… that’s correct.”, said the boss, astonished.
Another glass… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.
“Correct!” A third glass… “It’s a Pinot Blanc Another glass… “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results.
“Correct!” A third glass… “It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.
The director was blown away, but in case this was some sort of hoax, he wanted to put the man to a real test.
He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blond, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.”